Month: January 2014

I’ve been forcing myself to finish some video games recently. I guess everyone has those games that they got excited about and went out and queued and bought and read the manual on the bus and got home and then played it for like 90 hours straight until every single little thing that it was possible to do in the game was done and then you sit back and smile and go ‘that was hands-down the best 90 hours of my entire life‘ but there are also…others. These are the games that I waited in anticipation for and really really loved playing but through some distraction or another eventually fell by the wayside, freeing up valuable hours for more loitering, capers, tomfoolery and cereal.

I had a look through my game collection and found an alarming amount of these and decided to do something about it. So in the past few weeks I’ve finally finished L.A Noire, Tomb Raider, Skyrim, Sam & Max: The Devil’s Playhouse and Puzzle Agent (1 & 2) – and it was definitely a good call. I was at endgame for all of these (or at most a few hours from it) and within minutes of loading each of my save files I couldn’t believe I had put the game down in the first place. I think once ‘the end’ seems near I just panic because I don’t want the game to end, and I know future-me will relish in rediscovering it so I give myself some kind of meta-time-future-gift by convincing myself I have other things to do and consequently leaving the game for anything from a few weeks to years and years.

I’ve now finished all those games and they were ace. L.A Noire was beautifully concluded, Tomb Raider showed she could totally raid tombs, the Puzzle Agent series was a lovely human simple delight, Sam & Max was everything I wanted it to be and more, and finally I actually experienced the main quest on Skyrim (having put about 200 hours into it solely doing side quests and exploring). I feel bloody great.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, but I just found it really interesting that every time I tried to pick them back up over the past year something in my head said ‘Nah that game wasn’t all that – you don’t wanna play that right now, you’ll finish it one day’ and it took me physically MAKING myself play them to unlock that little part of my brain that adored them. Real weird. Everyone get those games by the way (you probably already have them).

With those off my plate it has freed me up to play Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag on Laurie’s PS4 and it’s amazing. I love it. However that could partially be me just getting excited about next-gen. Are we still calling it next-gen? Is it now current-gen? Please advise.

After that Laurie has bought me Red Dead Redemption and is insisting I play it start to finish as soon as possible. I’m fucking excited because it’s one of those games that just passed me by despite somehow ALL MY FRIENDS playing it and talking about it constantly for like two years. I want to be ready. Might have to finish Bioshock Infinite or XCOM: Enemy Unknown before I allow myself to become further involved in yet another (probably) astounding game.

Wow that was all a bit specific and serious. I feel like I need to do something to offset it.

THE FANTABULOUS TALE OF GREGORY FUCK-PIPE

Gregory Fuck-Pipe was on his way home from the shops where he had been buying meat and KEVLAR. ‘What a lovely day!’ crumped Gregory, shitting himself once again. It was at that very moment Gregory ran into Flint Steel, the renegade vigilante. ‘Flint! Over here!’ excrumped Gregory, waving enthusiastically at Flint. But Flint paid him no mind. ‘Flint! Hey! FLINT! FLINT STEEL! FLINT! HEY!‘ Gregory crumptinued, to no avail. Flint just didn’t seem to notice. In fact…Flint didn’t seem to notice anything at all. Flint seemed almost shimmery, as if he was fading. Everything was fading. The canvas of Gregory Fuck-Pipe’s world melted away, drifting into deluge as he came to the stark realisation that there was no Flint. There never had been. Little did Gregory Fuck-Pipe know that he went through this every day. Flint was just a construct created in his own head, a catalytic cipher that Gregory Fuck-Pipe used to cope with the loss of his most treasured possession – his fuck-pipe. And mortgage.

Crumping isn’t even a thing.

Sleep well.

Big love xx

He’s found us out. The eye of Lauron has seen us and is totally on to us – it was only a matter of time.

So Mr Laurie Havelock* himself has found out about the Blogshambles and is now going to be severely involved**. He approached me this very afternoon, wringing his hands and walking around like David Suchet*** as he went through every meticulous detail of how he came to the conclusion I was the culprit. It was inspiring, impressively deductive and phenomenally extraordinary****. I was truly impressed*****.

The Blogshambles will soon have the voice of Laurie in it’s midst – I hope you are prepared. His words are like risotto: slowly cooked, oozing with parmesan and Italian. Please welcome him as you would a risotto.

I’ve been working on some comics. They will eventually be up on the site for all to see but I need to a. think of a name for them, 2. buy a scanner, and D. make sure they are actually funny. I should have all nine of these tasks finished within the next few weeks so keep an eye out for that. Also what does everyone think of the new site? Coming along nicely, eh? Laurie is the real computer-ferret so he’s going to make it better/actually work as if you look hard enough you will notice I’m really not very good at doing websites. I am also bad at:
– Sitting still.
– Raw tomatoes.
– Using lists sparingly.
– Not doing impressions of my father to people who have never met my father.
– Whisking.
– Kneading.
– Baking.
– Keeping boats the correct way up.
– Anything fragile.
– Correctly identifying certain types of cutlery.
– Quick-fire Haikus.

I’ve eaten far too many Jolly Ranchers and played far too much Vid Dev Tycoon tonight (THANKS TO A CERTAIN LAURIE) and now I must recharge my small but semi-reliable engines in my small but semi-reliable bed. Which is actually fairly large. And never fails to be a bed. It’s basically the opposite of what I described it as. Oh and it is also red.

I wonder if I should sign this off as Paddy? After all, the next one may be from not-Paddy.

Sleep well,

Gregory xx

* Laurie from Podshambles.
** He’s made no promises.
*** David Suchet as Poirot in popular television show ‘Poirot’, as opposed to David Suchet as Sir Nigel Fountain in TV Mini-Series ‘Hidden’.
**** It was actually a very short and simple process with a tremendously small amount of exposition.
***** Exaggeration.

Need a loan? Also ham?

LoanHam.

But enough of this idle badinage!

Hello – above is an idea that I will one day fit into the podcast but as of yet have not been allowed to as it is very weak and doesn’t really have any content or coherent sense embedded inside it.

But enough of this idle badinage! Again.

It has now been three days and Laurie hasn’t noticed yet. He’ll see – THEY’LL ALL SEE. I’m going to add an artwork page to the site soon. Basically you guys have sent us some amazing stuff (I’m looking at you [name of someone who is omfgerrific]!) and I want everyone to see it outside of us just posting it on twitter (ehem @podshambles) or facebook (ehem the facebook equivalent of @podshambles) because they are shitting brilliant. We’ve got a bunch of postal salmons, a few flagons and even a little menagerie of Laurie & Paddy pictures. They are beautiful. I’d like everyone to know that these pictures get printed (in an internet café – we don’t own a printer but I really wish we did because they are now relatively essential) and get put up on our Shamblewall* where we treasure them daily. Please keep sending stuff as it validates us as people. And they are pretty cool too.

Everyone should read all of these books right now:
– All of A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin (I know it seems cliché but seriously get on it right away because genuinely do it now).
– All of Joe Abercrombie’s books (The First Law series, Best Served Cold, The Heroes and Red Country).
– The Braided Path by Chris Wooding (currently reading this and it’s fucking great).
– Everything by Scott Lynch in The Gentlemen Bastard Sequence (so far that’s The Lies of Locke Lamora, Red Seas Under Red Skies and The Republic of Thieves in that order – all brilliant).
– Anything you can find by Patrick Rothfuss (The Name of the Wind and The Wise Man’s Fear).
– The Mistborn series by Brandon Sanderson. Also start reading his new series The Stormlight Archive – he’s only just started it but they are awesome).
– The graphic novel series Unwritten by Mark Carey and Peter Gross (I’ve just got into this and am gutted I didn’t get into it sooner).

Also listen to all of these things:
– ‘Immortality‘ by Pearl Jam (try and find a live version – trust me).
– ‘Rhinoceros‘ by Smashing Pumpkins.
– ‘Winter Coat‘ by The Martin Harley Band.
– ‘Sleeping In‘ by Postal Service.
– ‘Out of the Woods‘ by Foals.
– ‘Rooster‘ by Alice In Chains.
– ‘Not the Same‘ by Ben Folds (once again – find the live version with the West Australian Symphony Orchestra).
– ‘Loro‘ by Pinback.
– ‘Farewell to Welfare‘ by Grace Petrie.
– ‘Peace and Quiet‘ by Barry Cryer and Ronnie Golden.

I’m done ordering you around now, however do read/ear-read (a better way of saying ‘listen to’) all of those things.

I just found a pack of Jolly Ranchers in my desk. This is the best 4.07am EVER! Laurie and I shared a bottle of port** this evening (fancy I know – he treats me right) and Jolly Ranchers are exactly the right thing to consume after fortified wine – we all know this. I’m also teaching a guitar lesson tomorrow, so should probably go to bed. On that note: if anyone wants guitar lessons in London, email us on podshambles@gmail.com and I’ll happily teach you. Seriously. Like actually seriously. For an additional fee I will teach 1/3 of the lesson as popular Podshambles character ‘Engine-Room Phil: The character who just won’t die’.

I feel super awesome that my desk is a map of Skyrim stretched over a bit of wood. I’m also relatively pleased with myself that I am sticking to actually doing this internet writing malarkey (Blogshambles?) and I hope you are all enjoying it/not hating it/are not on fire and that it’s keeping your senses busy whilst we do all the groundwork for Podshambles Season 2 and the upcoming YouTube channel ThisIsAShambles. There’s a lot of work to do, and unfortunately two severely under-qualified people attempting to do it.

I’m sure Laurie will also write things on this when he realises it’s happening. He’s much better with words (he has a DEGREE in ENGLISH from CARDIFF UNIVERSITY – WHO FUCKING KNEW?!) and I’m sure will give you everything you could ever want in a text-based format.

Oh we’re also going to start a Shambles Family page that links you to everyone who we love, idolise, cherish and work with to bring you content and fun. These ladies and gentlemen are all brilliant people who are going to have a bit more of an active involvement in The Shambles in the near future – stuff outside the podcast like comics, design, artwork, videos, editing, support and most of all love. Keep an eye out for that – there’s going to be a lot of names contributing to The Shambles. Thanks guys – you fucking rule.

Just remembered – if you are looking for some other podcasts to quench your audio-thirst (?) during this Podshambles drought do check these out (YES IT’S ANOTHER FUCKING LIST DEAL WITH IT):
– The YogPod. These guys are huge influences on us, and their content played a big part in bringing Laurie and I together to do Podshambles. They are just phenomenal – genuinely
– Adam & Joe (XFM & BBC 6 Music Podcasts). What can I say – they’re Adam & Joe. You must have already listened to them. If you haven’t, you should have and you should feel bad.
– Peacock & Gamble. Two of my friends from the comedy circuit who have pieced together possibly the funniest podcast on iTunes. They are heroes.
– Gods of Comedy. An amazing podcast that looks into the everything and everything of comedians. Wonderfully produced by our good friend Liam Welton.
– Critical Hit. It’s the best Dungeons & Dragons podcast out there, and this is what I’m currently listening to. There are shitting hundreds of episodes and each one is a bloody gem. Get into D&D now. Just do it.

I think I have run out of fuel and jokes. I am to sleep. Thanks for reading – do twitter/email/facebook us if you like us doing this because then I’ll keep doing it and everyone’s happy. JOYJOY.

Big love xx

* a normal wall.

** this does not make us seventy years old or racist.

(Awesome Postal Salmon picture courtesy of Ross James – thanks man!)

I think this is a blog. I’m not 100% sure. My computer wants to autocorrect the word ‘blog’ which doesn’t exactly fill me with hope. It also wants to autocorrect ‘autocorrect’ to ‘auto correct’, ‘auto-correct’ or ‘autocorrelate’ so we’re off to a really bad start.

I have yet to inform Laurie that I have started writing things on here. Part of me wants to see how long it will take for him to notice. Hey man, how’s it going? If you’re reading this then that means you have discovered me and my writings. Such a shame – I was enjoying our little game of cat and mouse. OH THE GAMES WE PLAY LAURIE. Do you remember when we used to listen to Flogging Molly, drink gin and argue about whether one day one of us would write something on a public platform for all to read but actually it would only be directed at the other one? THOSE WERE THE DAYS.

I sort of feel like horse-lady from Sex & The horse-lady when I’m writing this. I feel like it should convey a message and neatly tie off everything we’ve learnt this terrible, terrible week but I don’t think we have learnt anything. I just learnt that the word ‘learnt’ is the same as the word ‘learned’, but in the UK we use ‘learnt’ more often. You learnt something new everyday. Oh how I learnt. LEARNT. LEARNTLEARNT LEARNT. It’s lost all meaning now.

I don’t really have any Shambles news other than Season 2 continues to draw nearer, and we opened conversations today with a certain group of certain people about doing a certain exciting thing (in case you can’t pick up on my intended inflection in that sentence whilst you read it, it was supposed to be really sexy and stuff) and oh dear I’ve genuinely forgotten what I’m talking about. Writing about. Whatever. OH YES cool stuff ahead, but I sort of don’t know what it is or when it’s no I’m sorry I’ve forgotten what I’m doing.

Genuinely forgotten my point now. Um. Yeah.

Is it a blog? What have learnt we learnt learnt? Goodnight.

A big hello to all of you who are the Shambles.

We hope you are well – we miss you. Laurie and I have decided to start doing regular posts on the site. At the moment it feels a bit like a vehicle for the podcast (which, in theory, it is) and we want to grow out of these tiny egg wings and have them hatch into fully blown big web wing things like bat-dragons.

Basically a lot of Shambles things are going to be happening soon and we want the website and YOU THE COMMUNITY (oh yeah) to be prepared. I’m writing it because Laurie is asleep and I’ve had a sudden wave of ‘let’s do everything now’.

Season 2 of Podshambles will be starting soonish. We took a bit of a break over Christmas/New Year/Laurie’s Birthday/My Birthday/January-so-far but the past few weeks have been laden with late-night pub visits to work out what we’re gonna do this year. And it’s gonna be big. Keep watching this space to find out what’s going on. Because we’ll do it all here. And on twitter. And facebook. And the podcast. And youtube. But remember it will be here too.

So hey Shambles. Don’t eat too many bees. Or honey. Because bees need honey. Or something. And don’t recite Foucault at strangers. Or buy trousers for a while. Actually all clothes – don’t buy clothes. Or bite things that shouldn’t be bitten. Like birds. Do, however, listen to Eels. And Pearl Jam. And Smashing Pumpkins. And watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. And convince people you work for Wizards of the Coast, then crush their dreams. And build guitars. Then play them. Then neglect them, then rediscover them. And always remember…

You are a Shambles.

p.s geese lolololololol

p.p.s not but seriously this year is going to be bloody great.

XX

p.p.p.s In downloading the image to use on this post, I am proud to say my laptop said ‘beakerisfuckinggreat.jpg is already in use’. beakerisfuckinggreat(1) it is.